"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."Ephesians 2:10
That scripture speaks to me about God's timing. He knows when things are going to happen and I have to be patient and assured that He has got things under control. Not easy for me!
So Monday marked the day I started back on the Weight Watchers plan. How am I doing? Not so great. I just can't seem to get my mind back into it. Psychotic hormones really don't help. Such an up and down week. Of course this had to be the week that several wonderful Saints at my church had to ask how's the weight loss coming.. how much have you lost? Lol!
I don't even own a scale and haven't been to a weight watchers meeting since the beginning of May. Not that I couldn't tell if my clothes were getting tighter. Which they aren't! Praise God! But they aren't actually getting any looser either as far as I can tell.
It's not that I have given up, it's just really hard right now. I'm trying not to make excuses but i guess I am. I feel like I'm on this hormonal roller coaster ride. I guess some of it is what some call "baby fever" I know that may sound crazy, I have twin 1 year olds how could I even think about having another child. I just cant help it.
It wasn't easy for us to get pregnant. I can admit now my weight is a contributing factor for how difficult it was for me to conceive. I have/ had PCOS the abbreviation for poly cystic ovarian syndrome which causes a slew of things including no cycle and no ovulation. So I had to have help through fertility. The Lord did it. That I have no doubt about. So much happened before I conceived that we could not have made happen on our own. My pregnancy was perfect and then I had these 2 perfect little boys who are healthy and happy. I'm not saying it was easy but it was blessed!
So now after I have already been given 2 miracles could I expect the Lord to give me another one? Boy does that give me guilt. I finally told my girls Sunday night that I was thinking about this. I opened up to my hubby last night about my feelings and fears. I feel so selfish but I want another child so bad. Again crazy hormones really don't help.
The Lord has blessed me so much with people in my life I can share my heart with. With their help and prayers I am understanding the God wouldn't put a desire in my heart like this that He wasn't going to fulfill. IN HIS TIME! I need to tattoo that on my forehead so I can see it all the time.
I'm a mom and I absolutely love it! I mean 99% of the time. We all get tired. I never thought I would be so content to be a stay at home mom. Now I can't see myself as anything else. The Lord has provided me a means to help contribute financially through Mary Kay so I may never have to work outside the home again.
So I'm praying for the Lord's will in all of this. I know that I will conceive another child. The Lord has confirmed that for us. I just have to be patient. Monday I'm making a doctor's appointment and going to get my hormones figured out. The Lord can straighten them out but he can also use a doctor to do it. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything comes in His time not mine.
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